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Raising Kapable Children
A Campaign for Kindness
No Hurting Allowed
Children need unconditional love – empathy, positive
statements, encouragement –so that they can safely attach to their parents and
caregivers and thereby develop the internal mechanisms to attach to the
Creator. The basis of forming healthy
attachment is trust that the parent indeed has the child’s best and highest good in mind, at heart, and in action.
If instead of receiving unconditional love a child
receives a great deal of negativity – one parent alienating the other parent or
other family members through speaking derogatorily – a child’s sense of trust
in that parent becomes mixed with defensiveness and their pure trust is
withheld, resulting in an inhibited attachment or one where the child sees
hurtfulness of people as power and effective, rather than the Creator as
omnipotent. The child may then trade
away love for power, entering into power struggles to best parents or
caregivers or teachers – and the child learns how to be a giant manipulator and
how to be capable of accomplishing his or her agenda without getting caught
with hurtful techniques. In effect, the
child, instead of sanctifying the name of the Creator, makes him or herself the
agent of His Agent, the Soton.
This campaign is about defining Kapable
with a capital K. To do this, one must
be willing to sacrifice one’s own agenda, one’s own temper, one’s
own vindictiveness in order to demonstrate His Will and His Character Traits
when necessary. This requires a deep and
complete trust in the Creator, and belief that there is more than this world
and that what we do here matters eternally.
If a child is not in a purely trustworthy environment
as a child where his or her dependency needs for security, social development,
physical needs, discipline and emotional needs are met with unconditional love,
that child has a second chance to develop attachment to the Creator when that
child is an adult. As an adult, by
observing the Creator’s laws and doing acts of kindness and giving
altruistically, an adult reopens those same pathways and evokes a healing
process, utilizing empathy and compassion towards others to heal what was not
given to him or her as a child, and building within him or herself an inner
parent/nurturer that his or her own inner child can now attach to with that purity
of trust. By giving to others according
to their need, an adult can win the trust of their own inner child’s yearning
to have an ideological role model to trust and to develop healthy attachment. The actions of giving are, by definition,
ways that we form attachment to the Creator.
We can heal our inner child and we can recover the pathway to attaching
to the Creator and developing complete trust in Him.
If a person has complete trust in the Creator, he
cannot believe that he or she has to be a manipulator. If a person has complete trust in the
Creator, he or she knows fundamentally that in order to get what he or she
wants, he or she has to pray for it and to ask Him for it.
If a person is a manipulator, that person needs to
start giving altruistically so that the person can survive in the eternal
world, having a real attachment to the Creator instead of an attachment to His
Agent, the Soton, whose power is only in this
world. The Creator will renounce the Soton.
If a person has been hurt by a manipulator, that
person needs to pray to the Creator that the person repents and that the
Creator lift the person above the reach of the manipulator. A manipulator needs to see his or her
controlling efforts as effective only in this world and to see his or her
restraint as effective in this and in the eternal world. A person chooses to overlook wrongs done to
him in this world instead of responding hurtfully because that is pure trust in
the Creator, that is belief that the Creator will overlook one’s own faults in
the same way, for we are all one.
To understand manipulators and the power that they wield, understand that they utilize the natural mirror that we all have because man is created in His Image. Just as children develop their self esteem from what they see in the eyes of their parents, manipulators utilize this to evoke feelings of guilt, shame, blame, inadequacy, insecurity or even positive, reinforcing emotions to inflict power and control over a person. If it is understood that a manipulator is acting as His Agent and not to Sanctify the Name of the Creator, it will also be understood that one’s strength from pure trust in the Creator protects a person eternally from a manipulator, even if that manipulator succeeds in injuring a person’s feelings, damaging a person’s property, or even, Heaven forbid, killing a person. It is all for our growth, for our growth in our attachment to Him, in our pure trust in Him.
Messages from Mishlei On CD By Mrs. Rachie Reingold
Putting Your Kids First
For tools to encourage cooperation, instill respect, and develop self-control in children
For tools to develop empathy and communication skills in children
How to stay non-hurtful:
Sample REACH phrases:
To help them cooperate and negotiate instead of whine and pout – I Want What I Want and I Want it MY WAY (Or Maybe NOT!)
To read when they are in time out for not controlling hurtful actions – My Time Out Book
To help children develop good self-esteem and self-confidence – Who Decides Who I Am Anyway?
More on empathy, sharing, cooperation and respect, based on Old Testament values:
Campaign for Kindness